The secret life of a 30-something single mother

 I am a huge fan of Julia Roberts and Richard Gere in, " Pretty Woman."In fact, it's up there with, "Dirty Dancing," in my top ten. I'm sure any girl who has seen either, has had their own little Swayze or Gere fantasy, and has dreamdt of playing the leading role along side those hotties. Can't even deny it. However, I never in a million years imagined actually looking the possibility in the face. Then...one night at the Hardrock... It was late, and I had just arrived at my destination. As I came upon my friend at the Black Widow slot machine, I noticed a gentlemen sitting next to her and appeared to be quite attractive. In fact, he had the appearance of one of those steamy doctors in daytime soap operas, only he was decked out in an expensive golf shirt and slacks. His hair was similar to Keith Urban's, and he appeared to be in good physical shape, topped off with a pearly white smile. When I approached my friend and announced my presence, she jumpe...

 Everyone can't be your friend and I don't think enemies can be avoided in life. There is a lot of evil in the world, and that's another unavoidable. However, it seems the minute you get real with a person, set a boundary, get assertive and lay it all out on the line...they go and get salty about it and start slinging dirt. They did you wrong...yet they make you the bad guy. Insanity, I tell ya.  The most recent occurence? The first ex-husband. Mad, mainly because he got ousted in public. For what? Well, let's see. Namely the fact that he phished all of my accounts, stole credit card numbers, and ran off with $480 of my money and my daughter's laptop, as well as my friends laptop...which he was supposed to be fixing. Then, I get a call that he has done the same to the 72-year-old widow who took his homeless ass in. I allowed him to use the laptop to find a job and get on his feet, after his sob story about his girlfriend dying and him being in jail, blah blah blah. ...

  Hello…Is it me your looking for? Probably not, but thanks for asking? This is the million dollar question, but if you’re asking does it actually matter? I’m gonna guess not really. Why, you ask? Well, because all that typically matters is what YOU are looking for and even if it is something totally different, you’re still going to pursue your goal. You’re just figuring out how easy or difficult its going to be. (Oooh. I’m smart, huh?) When it comes to females, you must first consider the obvious. We are conditioned from a very young age to expect a prince to come swooping in on his white horse, and sweep us off of our feet. The expectation is they will be madly in love with us, have hearts in their eyes, and we will live happily ever after ruling the kingdom. Eventually, as we grow older we learn these fairytales aren’t quite accurate, but still subconsciously expect something similar in the least. As adults, we are in hot pursuit of the American Dream. White picket fences in the...

 I have the attention span of a squirrel and that's why it is hard for me to explain myself verbally. I can generally sense the discomfort some people have when I unload my word vomit, and I don't blame anyone for feeling awkward or not knowing what to say. I'm a strange human being that is difficult to read and understand. Please know, if I'm divulging my thoughts that are all over the place, my words are not meant to be taken personal and are not necessarily directed towards anyone in particular. They're just running through my head like a hamster on a wheel and venting can typically slow them down. The rumonating thoughts that cloud my mind are usually onset by situations or circumstances I am faced with, and are more easily processed with the bare minimum of information, but can only be processed by speaking them out loud to another human. There are very few out there who know every detail or aspect of my life, but they do exist. They'll never tell. (lol) Ei...

 Dear sweet diary,  Am I really that screwed up, or I am just...screwed? Who effing knows. What I do know, is my mind is a maze of complexeties I do not even understand. Let me just give you the rundown of the most recent man-encounters I have had. Well, wait. Let's just start with the facts. I waited months before I jumped head first into the dating sespool and hit my head on the bottom. Let me just give you the rundown on how that has gone...For starters, I tried the Facebook dating app out. Epic Fail. While it is useful when you're bored, the vast majority of the men are useless. Nothing good has come of that app, steer clear. Its basically Tinder's awful step-sibling that nobody should like. Then there's the good old fashioned way, or those chance encounters that go nothing like what you see in movies...or they do until they become epic tragedies. The few I've experienced went well the first date, maybe even resulted in a second, and then my life was compared to...

 Seriously guys? I get it. Women are batshit crazy. Listen Linda, I've been on a few dates recently. We did not get that way on our own. Let me just recap a few of the dates I've been on in the more recent months.  Date 1: Picture this. I'm standing outside at the Hard Rock Casino, minding my own business. Suddenly there is breaking glass and yells. A man darts in my direction, stands directly next to me and says, "I don't know those people. I'm not with them, I'm with you, we are here together and we don't know those people." I laugh a little and respond with, "Well, I guess you're in the right place. That my friend, is alcohol abuse."I see the confusion on his face, so I go on to explain I work in mental health and substance abuse. He seems intrigued, asks if I'm single and for my phone number. I give it to him, but overhear his buddies giving him hell and let them know I gave him the wrong number anyways and re-enter the buildi...

 I think I have cracked the code to why women are crazy. I know what you're thinking...this bitch is the crazy one, but hear me out. Since a very early age, women are subject to a plethora of information regarding relationships. For instance, when we are very young we fall victim to the story lines of fairytales like Cinderella or Snow White. These are young women who have experienced multiple traumas, have lost hope in love and happiness, but in the end their 'Knight' comes swooping in on his big white horse and saves the day. Always a happy ending and always what sets the tone for our perception of relationships and what they should be like. As we grow older, we eventually come to the understanding that these are not based on true stories and the characters are fictional. However, that does not mean that we don't experience similar life events that sends our minds reeling back to these fairytale romances and hope the happy ending scenario will play out. The reality of...