I think I have cracked the code to why women are crazy. I know what you're thinking...this bitch is the crazy one, but hear me out. Since a very early age, women are subject to a plethora of information regarding relationships. For instance, when we are very young we fall victim to the story lines of fairytales like Cinderella or Snow White. These are young women who have experienced multiple traumas, have lost hope in love and happiness, but in the end their 'Knight' comes swooping in on his big white horse and saves the day. Always a happy ending and always what sets the tone for our perception of relationships and what they should be like. As we grow older, we eventually come to the understanding that these are not based on true stories and the characters are fictional. However, that does not mean that we don't experience similar life events that sends our minds reeling back to these fairytale romances and hope the happy ending scenario will play out. The reality of it all is, we do not truly know who we are destined to meet and how that story plays out, but we can expect it to be much less elaborate than the story of, Show White or Cinderella. I am not saying these men or relationships do not exist, but merely throwing it out there for consideration. At least it is closer to reality than the movies we watch as little girls and stare in awe as a little attic mouse goes to work sewing us up a ballroom gown.
In 2016 you would have thought I had met one of those fairytale princes. I was over the moon in love with a gorgeous man, who looked like he'd been cut from the same cloth as Spartacus or something. Not only was he easy on the eyes, but he had the kind of charm that could melt the ladies quicker than butter and a smile that would stop you dead in your tracks, causing your heart to flutter and cheeks to burn. A true gentlemen who opened doors and demanded kisses for payment, and an accent paired with a smooth baritone voice that would send shivers down your spine. Calgon take me away and allow me to be swooned by this fabio god-like man. Then your mind goes into this comparison-craze. Óh my goodness, it's just like in Cinderella. This is my prince!' Then BOOM! Standards and Expectations set, this initial charm is ultimately fueled by the Cinderella complex, and we force ourselves into the belief that we will live life happily ever after...because fate and Walt Disney say so.
The truth hurts. Especially when you've been raised on, "Dirty Dancing"and "George Straight." Patrick Swayze plays the part of the prince, swooping in and dancing his way into innocent Baby's heart, using nothing more than that smile, his charm, and god-like body. Together they overcome obstacles and adversity, to go on and live happily ever after...or so they'd like us to believe. However, we are not lead to believe any other way and part two never came. Reality is harsh, and relationships are nowhere near like what we are taught through these movies. We expect happily ever after to come in the form of a cowboy riding in on his horse, crossing his heart and promising his undying love, forever and ever, Amen. Even if all of our hair falls out, he's going to love us anyways!? Then we find out love requires much more effort on both sides, some of us are terrible at it, and others use it as a way to meet their selfish needs. We end up feeling like life is unfair, good men are as likely to find as a unicorn, and love is more like happily NEVER after. Furthermore, what movies were these boys watching that set the tone for them?
These thoughts were provoked after listening to a live and special request on the Delilah radio show. (I know, laugh it up.) A man called into the show to ask for Delilah's assistance with setting up a date with a woman he'd met recently. He stated, "She is the most beautiful woman I have ever laid eyes on, and I don't want to screw it up." My first thought was, Ÿup, he has sisters that forced him to watch, Cinderella." Then I thought about how much of myself I'd given to those I had loved. I felt as if I couldn't live without them, my world was crushed when they were gone and at times I still harbor some resentment, because I know how much I did for them and expressed my love...but also allowed them to take it for granted and in spite of their ungrateful ways, continued to allow them take every bit I was willing to give, until they drained me and there was nothing left. And here we are, feeling lost and alone, regretting the decisions made that ultimately wasted years of our lives. Years we will never get back and damage that may never be undone. Carly Pearce's song, "What he didn't do", is a perfect adaptation of my current feelings. They lyrics are as follows:
Carly Pearce, "What he didn't do."
Everybody's asking what the hell happened
Wondering why it all went wrong
Mama always said if you can't say something nice
Then don't say anything at all
I've got my side of the story
And he's got his side, too
And I ain't gonna go and tell you what he did
But I'll tell you what he didn't do
Treat me right, put me first, be a man of his word
Stay home 'cause he wanted to
And always fight for my love, hold on tight like it's something
That he couldn't stand to lose
The devil's in the details, I won't tell
The hell that he put me through
All I know is in the end, it wasn't what he did, no
It was what he didn't do
I'm already halfway over him and I ain't
Taking time to turn around
So I'ma take the high road, even though we both know
I could run him outta this town
That's just dirty laundry
I don't need to air the truth
So I ain't gonna tell you everything he did
But I'll tell you what he didn't do (Repeat chorus)
My marriage seemed great until it wasn't. When it began, we developed an inseperable bond and he truly was my best friend. I was blind to things going on right under my nose, and even looking back now I cannot even see where it went wrong. He was supposed to be different and our saving grace. In the end, he was nothing more than a selfish and self-serving conartist, who was only trying to secure his own future. In doing so, he robbed us not only of possessions of value, but also taking nearly all of the tools needed to finish repairing our home, which is what they were originally purchased for. He got to keep his car, only to stop paying for it and had it repossessed...I am the primary, which makes me liable for the date. He then sabotaged the vehicle and caused the motor to seize, making it useless to anyone. He caused damage to my vehicle and in an effort to secure another vehicle, bullied me into giving him the truck I purchased after we were seperated. All things I would have never imagined him pulling, but with the help of his equally crazy aunt and numerous other twisted up family member who believe half-truths and lied, but are willing to cover them up and take their own risks where that man is concerned. Is a loyalty unmatched to anything I have ever seen and its sick to witness it. Regardless, it is easy to tell where these behaviors were learned and even more interesting to see them put to use by the parties.
It was almost as if overnight, some huge gust of wind hit and blew in some weird portal that allowed us to return to the past and right our wrongs. There is so much I would do and take back, in the hopes that I'd just be the lovble girl next door they all knew. Its doubtful, but a start to wish upon a star at least. Eventually you learn how people truly feel about you, what they're willing to do for you, and how much they're willing to take in return. Some are generous with the offer, while others become consumed with greed and keep a large amount of money to themselves. Surveillance shows them going thru the purse then disappearing off into the sunset. If you ask him on the other hand, its not him in the video, he has an alibi and he's not one to 'fuck' with. The county jail finally relieved him and sent him packing. He was lucky enough to find a job within a few days, after I assisted with his resume. It worked out.
Its a rare occasion that someone gets hit by a train after they see it coming. In fact, I think it would be harder to stomach if you are injured and saw it the entire time. I don't miss the man he has shown me in the recent months, but this train came out of nowhere and destroyed all I knew and loved in a moment. Absolutely nothing could have prepared me for the overall outcome i was made to face. But fine by me. My story is mine and is the way it is. I adapt well and can fit into most environments, but just in case, I develop a confidence like I've never had before and enter the school like I belong, I own it, and I ain't going nowhere. Despite that mentality when faced with anything that comes my way, ultimately this situation broke me and left me feeling lost and confused. I have a hard time understanding the cold and bitter heartlessness in others, especially when someone has given them so much of themselves, yet they feel nothing and could care less about their feelings. It is mind-blowing really, but nothing can trump his famous last words to me. "You were nothing more than part of my five year plan to secure my own future. I never really loved you. I didn't like kissing you, because I was not attracted to you. Trust me when I say this: You might as well kill yourself, because by the time I am done with you, you'll want to anyways." Speechless I was and speechless I remain.
None of this is ok. I am not ok. How do you recover from your life flipping upside down basically overnight, and by nothing that is fault of your own? Do you? Can you? Who knows...
-The end
Comments
Post a Comment