The secret life of a 30-something single mother

 Although my birth was amidst the rare blizzard that ensued on March 20, 1984, it created a different chaos for those I was was born to. My conception was an unwanted surprise to two individuals who came from very different backgrounds and who had only recently graduated high school and entered adulthood. It was evident early on that neither was ready for the challenges of parenthood, causing my father to take off and be absent for the first phase of my life. As a result, there is no father listed on my birth certificate and I was given my mother's maiden last name. It took a few years, but with the influence of his mother and prospective wife, he came around. However, in spite of his presence here and there, he was still mostly absent...physically and emotionally. It was clear that my mother harbored animosity towards him by her cold demeanor in his presence. She spoke very little to him or about him, especially if I was in earshot. In fact, I remember waiting for him to pick me u...

 I help people, because its what I do. Why? Because I've been there too. I know what it's like to feel alone and be alone, because I've had nobody. I know what it's like to feel like you're not being heard, because I've been ignored. I know what it's like to feel invisible, because I've gone unseen.  I know what it's like to fight for your life, because I've been beaten down. In the literal sense, as well as emotionally.  I know what it's like to give it your all, and receive nothing in return.  I know what it's like to love someone, and they don't love you back.  I know what it's like to be broke, and feel hopeless.  I know what it's like to not be included, because I've been left out.  I know what it's like to feel as if you don't belong, because I was not accepted. I am the blacksheep, but not by my own doing. I was born the blacksheep. And the blacksheep I have remained.

 Someone once said I reminded them of 'unwrapped innocence.' My first thought was, "So what you're saying is, I'm like a Christmas present? I can dig that." (haha, true story) They went on to describe me more in detail, and I found their perception very interesting and heart felt. He said I was fun to text, chat, or talk with, but nothing was compareable to meeting me in person. I absolutely took that as a compliment, because I suck at technological communication. I would much rather have a phone or in-person conversation. I prefer to observe someone's body language when they speak, and see their expressions to understand the emotion behind their words. He went on to say he could see the walls I've built around myself over time, due to lifes endless challenges. There is no denying this, I only let the world see what I want them to. They can leave out all the rest. Vulnerability is a scary tight rope to walk on. It seems the minute I let those walls com...

Äll it takes is a beautiful fake smile to hide an injured soul, and they will never notice how broken you really are.: ˜Robin Williams Robin Williams chose a career of making people laugh, and expressed that he chose that path as his profession, because he knew what it was like to be made to feel absolutely worthless and he did not want others to feel that kind of sadness. Did anyone notice that he was hiding his own sadness behind his smile and want to make others happy? The man considered by most to be the funniest man alive, no longer lives, and is potentially the saddest man to have lived. August 11, 2014, Robin Williams was found dead and to have died by suicide. One of my favorite public speakers, Brenae Brown, won her claim to fame after publicly having a mental breakdown. She is best known for shedding light on human response to vulnerability. In her research she has concluded, "vulnerability is not winning or losing. It's having the courage to show up when you cannot ...

 I am a huge fan of Julia Roberts and Richard Gere in, " Pretty Woman."In fact, it's up there with, "Dirty Dancing," in my top ten. I'm sure any girl who has seen either, has had their own little Swayze or Gere fantasy, and has dreamdt of playing the leading role along side those hotties. Can't even deny it. However, I never in a million years imagined actually looking the possibility in the face. Then...one night at the Hardrock... It was late, and I had just arrived at my destination. As I came upon my friend at the Black Widow slot machine, I noticed a gentlemen sitting next to her and appeared to be quite attractive. In fact, he had the appearance of one of those steamy doctors in daytime soap operas, only he was decked out in an expensive golf shirt and slacks. His hair was similar to Keith Urban's, and he appeared to be in good physical shape, topped off with a pearly white smile. When I approached my friend and announced my presence, she jumpe...

 Everyone can't be your friend and I don't think enemies can be avoided in life. There is a lot of evil in the world, and that's another unavoidable. However, it seems the minute you get real with a person, set a boundary, get assertive and lay it all out on the line...they go and get salty about it and start slinging dirt. They did you wrong...yet they make you the bad guy. Insanity, I tell ya.  The most recent occurence? The first ex-husband. Mad, mainly because he got ousted in public. For what? Well, let's see. Namely the fact that he phished all of my accounts, stole credit card numbers, and ran off with $480 of my money and my daughter's laptop, as well as my friends laptop...which he was supposed to be fixing. Then, I get a call that he has done the same to the 72-year-old widow who took his homeless ass in. I allowed him to use the laptop to find a job and get on his feet, after his sob story about his girlfriend dying and him being in jail, blah blah blah. ...